In the wake of me being removed from the vocations of athlete and coach temporarily, only one feeling has managed to engulf me and that feeling is bitterness. Although I have to admit that even though that is the primary feeling within me, many others such as sadness, distrust, uncertainty and perhaps, depression surround me.
The story began when I walked into the training centre as usual where my brother, Selwyn and another athlete were awaiting me to take charge of their programs and in the meeting room just next to it, the managing committee of the Singapore Weightlifting Federation (SWF) sat with my coach inside. Heading (or lack of) the federation was Tom. Tom also deals with the supplement and fitness equipment business. As evident as it is within the federation, I am led to assume that his business is having his fair share of losses as well.
Seated next to him was Soo Yong. A man who didn't leave a very good first impression on me at the first meeting we had when I was exposed to his unpleasant side but over certains periods of time, slivers of wisdom and thoughtfulness have shown in him which has served to lift that negative image I have of him to a slight extent.
In front of the two was Soo Yong's wife- Jennifer. Insignificant. And next to her was a man called Charles. A man I soon understood as someone who has never seen me train yet had the audacity to label me as a "rude, and defiant boy". If only I could laugh in his face at the way he spoke and dictated his words before spitting in it but the cold, hard exterior I had on my face was determined to stay on.
I had yet to understand why Mr. Tan was inside but another face had popped into the room. Todd. A big-time High Performance Manager of the athletic monitoring division, Todd's presence remained a question to me. This was a man to be respected, just like Mr. Tan and not like the others who continued to put on sad displays of their authority; much of it is abused and put to use ineffectively, yet there they were, smug looks of disapproval attempting to show me who was boss.
Little did I know that the meeting was called to assess my case concerning my 'atrocious' discipline. A report entitled, "Review of Sherwin Chia" had even been drawn up. I never knew the committee within the SWF had been keeping chronological tabs of what I did since I began lifting, but as diligent as I applaud them for being, I'd strictly believe that if I wanted to search for a record on the good things I'd done instead of the bad, my search and efforts would have amounted to nil.
Soo Yong began to read.
"October 2004. Asian Junior Championships. It was reported by Damon that you went out of the hotel without informing him, only to return at 11pm and when asked as to where the athlete went, no answer was given"
The first thing that struck me was how inaccurate the statement was. I didn't know if some asshole was trying to pull an unfair method of documenting but let me tell you this. When I went out of the hotel, it was because I was invited by one of the liaisons to go out for supper and have a ride around the area. Even before leaving the hotel, I had told Damon that I would be going out with Minny (the name of the liaison) because she had asked me out.
And to be accurate about what I did, I was taken on a tour around Minny's university campus before having supper at a local noodle shop. I suppose Damon never got over the feeling that I got to go out with a girl and he didn't, even though he'd been telling me how much of a crush he had for another liaison but nothing ever happened.
But like a man about to be convicted, I sat there and remained quiet.
"October 8th. The Commonwealth Weightlifting Championships. On the first day, you went to the competition venue without informing the coach, nor the team official to the competition venue. Resulting in both of them having to come look for you."
FFS, it's the first bloody day of my first big competition. So you're gonna sue my ass for taking a f*cking 5 minute walk through a park to the competition venue all because I wanted to take pictures and make friends with international lifters??
The funny thing was, I remembered telling Mr. Tan about me going to the competition hall and he said ok. Therefore, I brought this up to Tom only to have him think he's in the right of way by giving the most condescending look upon me and saying with a crooked smile, "No. That was when I left you and Mr. Tan in the hotel room after lunch."
But yet again, I chose to say nothing, knowing that my claims of innocence would only be relevant to banging my head against a brick wall but I knew what Tom said wasn't true.
When he had left me and Mr. Tan in the hotel room, I suggested that we go together to familiarize ourselves with the venues. And he approved. After which, we left for lunch. Tom had not been with us as he was tending to matters of administration. I don't know what he was up to but I really didn't care.
After lunch, Mr. Tan and I went back to the room before I told him I was going to the competition hall to get pictures taken. Therein lies the truth. But Tom thinks otherwise- that I cannot be trusted to give an accurate testimony and that I am just a small boy with no f*cking brains.
If he claimed that I did not inform Mr. Tan, how then, did they manage to find me? Gee..it must be one of those mysteries you just can't seem to solve then.
I don't want to dwelve into every single detail of the report as I do not want to reminisce in the memory that makes me so angry whenever I think about it. But from what you have seen, what would you think of about the way things are being run in my association?
I would be led to think that the committee is being too entirely anal about matters which do not hold importance. And the really worrying thing is how, all the more, they do not take the proper steps to monitor the athlete's health, check and acknowledge when an athlete has set a personal best at competition (which I have done at all three of the past competitions I've gone to), they do not seem to weigh an athlete's good traits before immediately scrutinizing their shortcomings, which was what happened to me.
I didn't think it was fair, to run me down by making such big fusses over what I did overseas, such as doing my own things for brief periods; not even stop to think about how damn hard I had been working. All the more in the presence of an SSC official. Everything just didn't seem to go the right way. Ok, my friends sometimes think I can get a bit egoistical in the head whenever I'm happy but they're ok. I know I'm decently careful to not tread on people's feet and if you've spoken to me before, you will know. So, at age 19, I'm officially the 3rd strongest man in Singapore, but you don't see me bragging about the bloody thing right? Do you know how many times I blush or feel irked whenever someone asks me how I feel about being there or to "flex a muscle"? It's so retarded. I really don't know..I just think certain people can go to that extent just to prove that they're superior. I do hope they get their heads bloody-well checked.
I have to look back at that meeting as reminder of what I can do to redeem myself now. If you were to ask me now how I feel about the job the SWF is doing, of course I'd say I'm super pissed off at what's been said about me and that I'd hope that an improvement will be made.
Nothing much can be said about the sad situation that it is in. People talk about sport and how Singapore can never improve. Well, if everything is so political, where athletes are f*cked,ignored and thrown aside; and more fuss is made about the insignificant matters like what shirt an athlete wears to training (all of which is relevant to my case), then how the F can you ever expect the performance of sport in this country to improve?
To end off, I'd just like to share one final testimony pertaining to what the SWF tried to do to my reputation in school as a student. Apparently on Friday, when I finished an ICA with one of my teachers, he pulled me up and asked me if I was all right. Sensing that this was about to lead to something, I said 'yea. This concerns something right?'
It was then that he (Mr. Lee) told me that he had received a call by the SWF (Tom), prior to the date of the meeting, inquiring into my history of discipline. Specifically, they had asked if I was punished for any misdemeanours or if I had any disciplinary records on hand.
If this didn't serve the purpose of outrage, I don't know what did. But the good thing is, AND as proof to my innocence in the previously listed and documented testimonies, I have had no disciplinary issues with the school and no bad reputation. I had good connections with my teachers and I did fairly well for my past exams and even one of the best for athletes currently training with Singapore; scoring averages of Bs and one or two As here and there.
Mr. Lee then said the federation had told him to keep an eye on me to ensure that I don't step out of line in school. And I told him, "Sir, I hope you take their words with a pinch of salt". As much as I wanted to add on the remaining words- 'Because they can be full of shit'- I chose not to do so because such language is not obviously condoned in a staff room.
Ironically, as pissed off as I was upon hearing what Tom had tried to do, it was reassuring to know that Mr. Lee had no qualms about me after he said so.
But what was he thinking when he made that call to Mr. Lee? Who was he in thinking that he could take charge and jurisdict my student life?
If poor management could be attributed to this, I hope it could.
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Monday, December 19, 2005
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