I've been lost over the past few days in my own emotions; lost in translation; searching my conscience for the hurt that I caused and for the monster I became; for the life I destroyed and for the love that I lost, simply because I threw it back into the face of someone who was willing to give it all for me.
Each time I turned back to look at the perception that I gave, I couldn't understand why I had made such a mistake in becoming subdued by my own selfish ideals. And everyday, my mind meets a merciless void- torn between the choices I make that determine the future, and not knowing where these choices would lead me.
Man has the power to change the lives of others. Indeed I changed the life of many, but everyone, at some point of time, significantly changes just the life of one. This is where I admit that the power I possessed destroyed that one life as soon as I had changed it. I shattered her dreams and her hopes. I clouded her life and caused her much confusion; I left her alone, angry, afflicted.
And they say what goes around, comes around. Now I sit and wait and wonder..once again meeting the void that has become acquaintance. Shut out from the life of one who no longer sees me as the same, probably never to forgive me. And what am I to say now when I am confronted by those who knew us? What am I to do in front of those who have been behind her? I know some look at me now as a bastard, undeserving of the compassion of anyone else and some look at me with shame. But each day I pray that as time greets us and leaves our doors, all wounds be healed and all resentment die down. Because I don't want to go on living life being seen as one who's done a great crime, I do not want to be an outcast anymore.
Just see me the way in which I used to be, even if it is to make you smile.
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Friday, August 26, 2005
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yenskie
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