Ok..let's move on from the topic of Singapore Idol. I've really given up..Let's just focus on the idiosyncrasies of the Singapore people.
As with many of the unusual encounters that I get with random fruitcakes,these two that I'm about to mention just have to be about the funniest and uncommon that it tops my pick for this week.
Firstly,we all know that Orchard Road's a seemingly attractive place to visit right? And that it's one of the most popular tourist attractions in Singapore only because they're stupid enough to think that goods here are cheap and lovely to take home right? But what about it being a place where trippy old ladies decide to walk around in? Let me explain this encounter in further detail. I was on my way to school boarding the North-South line reading a copy of 'Notes from an even smaller island' by Neil Humphreys before deciding to to stop reading for a while. Only before getting greeted by an auntie who looked pretty resilient. She seemed nice enough asking me how many stops it was before she arrived at Orchard and I kindly replied, "Two..somerset,and then you arrive at Orchard". With that,she thanked me and I stepped onto the escalator before her.
The next thing I knew,I heard, "You're a very nice boy..how old are you?"
I replied,"17."
The next thing I heard stunned me."Get off at somerset?"
Me:"No, you have to go past somerset,THEN you'll reach Orchard."
Auntie: "Ok..-points in train direction- To Orchard?"
Me:"Yes,to Orchard"
By now I was getting paranoid.There was either something wrong with this old bird's hearing or she was trying to hit on an innocent young teenage boy. I swear to God she asked me this for a good 6 times before the words, "Go f*ck yourself and leave me alone!" came spitting out. If you wanted a test of patience,all you had to do was look for this lady and have a conversation with her,ask her if she needs any help,give her the solution and watch her reconfirm it with you for years to come.
Now the next case is something you wouldn't see most of the time,if not at all. I swear this was the first time I saw such a thing.. Remember how I used to bitch about SBS? Well,now I probably know why some of the buses take just about eternity. I was on the way home from City Hall a couple of days ago when I was a few stops away from home. Sure,the bus driver does his usual bit, let passengers get on,let passengers get off but what I didn't expect was for the driver HIMSELF to get off;thus leaving us shit-scared passengers alone in the dark with creatures running around and watching us from the trees(ok I made that up). But he did get off the bus and it was really entertaining watching him dash across the road,through the rubbish collection centre and probably into a nearby hawker centre. Only then my instincts told me he had to answer nature's call and take an inconveniently time PISS. God knows why he took so long to empty his bladder but I had a feeling he was probably taking the time to order a plate of char kway teow.
So,sitting there like an idiot whilst reading Neil Humphrey's book yet again, the driver comes scooting back like a bull on gas and takes his sit. I got back home,safe and sound without a complain in the world because I had just solved the mystery as to why some buses take so long to arrive. The next time you get on a bus,take a peep to see if your friendly driver's remembered to zip up his fly.
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Friday, November 19, 2004
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