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Sunday, November 05, 2006
If Singapore was run by the Military:IF Singapore was run by a militaristic government (we'd be in biiiiiiiig trouble),1)"Ch**-by*" would be a very common greeting used in place of "Hello".2)Shower voyeurism would be totally acceptable.3)There would be no need to pursue a degree..It wouldn't even be recognised.4)To get to work, people would have to march along the streets while singing hit army songs such as 'Training to be Soldier'5)There would be no more fat women (and maybe men) due to the combination of daily cardiovascular exercise and miserable meal portions.6)All meals would be catered for by NTUC Foodfare.7)Fish would chew like a rubber dog toy.8)Business with North American and European countries would be non-existent due to the apparent inability to construct proper and concise grammatical sentences in English.9)Your news would be highly regulated and controlled. Compulsory articles would include recent promotions of officer ranks. There would be no obituary pages as all deaths would be covered up.10)Because of such control and regulation in place, Singapore would therefore be a communist country as all employees would be paid the same minimal starting rate of $350 inc. meals and accomodation.11)Smoking would be a chargeable offence outside of designated times and places.12)Love would cease to exist as men and women alike would be prohibited to make contact while on duty.13)We would have no tourists due to the repulsiveness of sweat-reeked T-shirts used for days on end without proper washes.14)Chinese-educated families would be rich due to the absence of Gambling!15)The combined IQ level of the entire nation would be a negative and any hint of sanity would all be lost by the 10th day.Labels: The Decisive Force
 Saturday, October 21, 2006
I need someone to interpret my dreams for me! To find out what the things I dream about mean, and what implications they may have.Last night I had dreamt of myself in an unidentifiable building. It had 7 floors. It resembled a shopping centre but I wasn't too sure. The building was dark, my surroundings were cold. It almost seemed like I was perpetually in the night.There were queues. Lines of people at almost every turn I looked. Rows that seemed to resemble the crowd of indifferent faces outside a nightclub just waiting to get in.I remain oblivious as I make my way to a lift, not knowing where I want to go. I step into the box thinking about pizza. Inside, a Caucasian girl I do not know stands with her little sister. I glance at the little girl with a blank stare but they get off before I do.The doors close and the lift propels me to a floor that says '17'. It felt like a scene out of a horror movie where you are entrapped in a lift, and a supernatural entity torments you, striking fear into your heart as you struggle to comprehend what's happening.The lift remains at the 17th floor before it plummets back down with speed. "16..14....11...9...", my eyes only catching momentary glances before the display eventually slows down and comes back to '1'. Reality hits but oddly, I' still thinking about pizza as I walk out of the elevator. The shopping centre is still strangely dark. And I blink.When I open my eyes, I'm in a car. It's snowing around me. It never snows in Singapore but I see white men all around. I see a man I know as Alexander Karelin, a famous Olympic wrestling champion undefeated for 8 years. I see another man known as Igor Vovchanchyn..a famous fighter. I turn, and I see a woman in a headscarf walking on a snow-covered pavement. The roads are old and barely paved..Surely I must be in Russia.In the car, Althea is sitting next me and I carry on driving. I do not know where my hands take me but I reach the countryside before I turn around and head back in the direction of the city.I travel past an elementary school and a fire station and I see many cars. When I return to the city, I make a left turn at one of the junctions. Alexander is still there, eating ice-cream...in the snow.I turn to my left, but Althea is gone. I am alone, but it is unusual, people appearing and disappearing.I return to the dark building and the car is mysteriously gone. I walk back inside, the queues are still there. I walk towards one of them and get in line but I don't know why I joined. I grab someone I don't even know and they don't seem to mind. They follow me as I go.Now, I am walking to the other end of the building. It is a small building. I see a pizza stall selling 20 inch pizzas of all shapes and of all sizes. I want to have a slice so badly, but I do not have the money. The stall is closing up and I look at the guy and girl selling pizza. They smile.I know the guy. He wears glasses and plays the bass. His name is Juan, but he's Chinese.I walk away knowing that I do not get any pizza, but I am not sad. I take a walk up the escalators and the building is taking shape. It resembles Far East Plaza. The restaurants and cafes all gathered at the top floors.I stand next to a railing and I peer below. I see my brother outside an arcade and nothing else. I beckon him, but nothing happens. I speak, yet there is an absence of voice.And then, I wake up....and it's daylight.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Sorting fact from fiction about Kim Jong-il is a difficult task - even for intelligence services.On one hand, the North Korean propaganda machine portrays him as the "greatest statesman of the 20th century".
Loyal communists are told his birth was "foretold by a swallow, and heralded by the appearance of a double rainbow over the mountain and a new star in the heavens".
But I find this to just be absolute hogwash and in my language, it's also known as 'bullshit'.
On the other hand, South Korea provides a stream of bizarre anecdotes painting a picture of one of history's most deranged leaders.
Certainly the South has more credibility, don't they?
Kim Jong-il, or "Dear Leader", is officially head of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, Supreme Commander of the Korean People's Army and General Secretary of the Workers Party of Korea.
A hard-drinking 64-year-old playboy, he runs the world's most isolationist and centrally controlled nation, often called the "Hermit Kingdom".
For most of his life he lived in the shadow of his father, Kim Il-sung, the first communist dictator of North Korea.
Kim Il-sung, the so-called "Great Leader", died suspiciously in 1994. His son refused to allow doctors into his room after his death (Hmm, I wonder why..Don't you?).
Two of the five helicopters assigned to fly the corpse to Pyongyang crashed, killing the doctors and bodyguards on board.
In his formative years Kim Jong-il is said to have been behind a number of terrorist plots in Burma and the shooting down of a South Korean airline in 1987, which killed all 115 people on board. Even though it is said, I still think we're looking at a maniacal disillusioned demon who has virtually been heralded as a deity by his political minions.
"Well before assuming power, Kim acquired an extraordinary reputation for drunkenness, sexual depravity and extreme self-indulgence. In 1997, after three years of "mourning", Kim succeeded his father -- the first dynastic succession of a communist regime. Analysts say North Korea's political system has become even more autocratic under Kim Jong-il.
He is said to demand absolute obedience, and personally directs minute details of administration, including the size of houses for party secretaries. (He ain't getting a rat's ass from me, that's for sure.)
The Stalinist country is said to have more than one million troops -- the world's fifth-largest army -- and the world's biggest concentration camps.
It bans all foreign books, music and films. And it spends about 25 per cent of its gross national product on defence." QUOTE- The Herald Sun.
During the late 1990s, the Dear Leader's central control style of running the country resulted in extraordinary famine. Up to a million citizens perished from hunger.
The World Food Program and UN Children's Fund produced a report claiming chronic malnutrition had left 42 per cent of North Korean children physically stunted and in danger of intellectual impairment.
In 1998, Kim Jong-il signed a revised North Korean constitution, declaring him "President for eternity". Oh please..SOMEONE...just SHOOT HIM.
The CIA says he has more than $5 billion in Swiss bank accounts, six villas in Europe, one in Russia and one in China.
But Kim has a morbid fear of flying, preferring to travel in his armoured private train.
Now what we all can do is infiltrate his love shack of debouchery, otherwise known as the presidential palace, and kidnap him in his sleep before airlifting him up and away while dangling him from a helicopter.
He is a short man (160cm) but uses platform shoes to make him appear taller, and is extremely vain. He has been married three times, with three sons from different wives and one daughter. But he also has several mistresses, and is reputed to have fathered 13 children outside his marriages. Why is it that all the ugly men get laid? 16 possible children in total..is there any reason why his hair's always standing?
A film buff, Kim Jong-il has a collection of 20,000 videos. But honestly..who cares about his film collection?
What matters to me is that he has a Russified name! Yuri Irsenovich Kim is the name and boy, does it piss me off to know that the Cyrillic language I so love has been tainted by this twat's presence.
Of all the little bits of information I have read, David Letterman tops my list with this excerpt,
"On The Late Show with David Letterman, Letterman frequently mentions Kim Jong-il's "brother", Menta Lee-il. In July 2006, announcing that Jong-il had just been married (to his longtime secretary, Kim Ok, according to South Korea's Yonhap news agency; no confirmation was forthcoming as of early August), Letterman said Jong-il "tried to consummate his marriage, and his wife became Physic Lee-il." Two nights earlier, he noted that Jong-il's "honeymoon's going well; last night, he successfully test-fired a short-range missile."
Of course, if you'd like to know more about our 'Dear Leader', feel free to ravage the page that Wikipedia has to offer. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_jong-il The North Korean dictator certainly is queer.
Essentially, when Kim is compared to one such George W. Bush, it provokes thought on who really is any better. Perhaps that will go down as the next morsel for discussion in my next entry.
Friday, October 06, 2006
To complement Singapore's Medal Chances at the Olympics, yours truly presents the Top 10 event additions to help the country finally win more medals at the Big Games.1) Cat Killing - First team to murder 5 cats and place them in a garbage can wins. Hypothetical National Mark - 27 seconds.
2) Longest Discussion centred on a Local Eatery - Hypothetical National Mark - 27 days.
3) Longest Conversation in English without a proper grammatical structure -Hypothetical National Mark - ongoing since the inception of the SAF.
4) The 'how many people can we squeeze into a lift (or MRT Train) before it explodes event.' - Feel the Japanese would beat us ou, but they are not in the Commonwealth Games, so a medal for us. Hypothetical National Mark - 37 Locals or the equivalent of 12 Expatriates.
5) Taxi Stealing. Conducted over 24 hours. Person who hijacks the most cabs wins. Bonus point awarded for thereafter Driving past the hijackee in said cab without acknowledging their existence.
6) The Television Quality Aversion Marathon. Judged by an international panel, the country whose terrestrial television network produces the most number of nausea induced fatalities across 24 hours, wins.
7) Heaviest Schoolbag carried by a child under the age of 12. Can be part of the weighlifting competition. Competitor must be able to walk 1km from Home to Bus Stop and remain standing for a duration of 20 minutes while on the moving bus.
8) Combined lowest Awareness levels while dancing in a night-club. Bonus points for remaining unenthused at higher blood-alchohol levels.
9) Longest Fingernail on a little pinky. Hypothetical National Mark - 1 metre. Bonus points for cleanliness and flexibilty.
10) Most Creative Rude Gestures out a Window while driving in a car. Points for Artistic Style can be awarded.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Work kinda has its toll on you when 1) You're bored and you've got 'Bored' written all across your face by crayons in different colours and 2) Your eyes hurt and you squint every time you take a glance at the computer placed in front of you.Just sitting here and thinking back on the past two months which I productively spent here at Mediacorp Radio (don't know if that's the case now :D) have changed by views on the issues close to the hearts of Singaporeans.And working in a newsroom promotes a cheeky attitude of indifference and skepticism towards the policies of our beloved government, also known as, "The Lee Foundation".The conclusion of the recent IMF World Bank meeting only made me wonder what good was done to the nation having seized the opportunity to host the convention.I simply thought it kinda made the PAP look like a bunch colonial lap dogs hoping to receive a pat on the pat for a job well done!Hurr..job well done my balls. It was downright selfish in my opinion. Of AALLLLLLLL the money that was spent and invested into the meeting to turn Raffles City into the second botanic gardens (which include a 10million SGD partnership with BMW Asia to chauffeur the delegates in luxury), wouldn't one agree with me that even a fragment, a miniscule substantial amount of that money could've have ben used to feed the poor; to improve the health of the sick and to aid the needy?Even that partnership with BMW alone flaunted more money than the President's Star Charity could ever muster! So where will all the flowers go now? Will they remain embedded in tainted soil where money needs to be pumped in to hire garderners just to maintain them? If so, wouldn't that prove to be a white elephant?Or would they remove every single blossomed stalk to let wilt in some random rubbish bin? And even if they talked about giving them away, I would not want to have anything to do with it.So many things could have happened. Security was stepped up, yes. But with the tightened checks came massive traffic jams and I thought about this for a while and saw it's flaw.. Even if youuuuu, the gaahhhhmennn had checkpoints put up and areas cordoned off, people would still have died should a bomb have gone off in the middle of traffic.Just like the traffic, time was placed at a standstill. Would they (your elite police forces) have been able to tell which vehicle was laced with death? How highly effective the measures were.I wouldn't believe for a second if Paul Wolfowitz or Rodrigo di Rato said that we did a good job. These men have turned the job of lying with a smile into a profession. And I wouldn't bank my hopes on them saying anything nice about our government behind Mr Lee's back soon.Should my blog get closed down or I get hauled up for questioning anytime soon, you guys should know why. I-N-S-E-C-U-R-I-T-Y.I would be labelled as a 'political insurgent stirring up turmoil' among the people."Disturbing the peace" as Mr. Lee would say.Hey, at least that would put me on the same level as Mr. Brown, wouldn't it?But jokes aside, if I do get my ass landed in hot oil because of this post, it would only prove me right in saying that no one in the goverment can come to terms with facing the music and telling it to you in the face, saying, 'I admit it was my mistake.'
Friday, September 08, 2006
The difference between OUR ex-Prime Minister (now Global Senior Advisor of Citigroup), and THEIR ex-Prime Minister Sigh...Sad Case..No wonder Malaysia is still in shambles. OOPS, I meant facing political difficulty.
Friday, September 01, 2006
It is commanded, "Love thy neighbour as thyself." And the reason is because as humans, an intangible lesson that we must learn is to treasure life and to treasure the people around us because when a loved one departs, you never get that chance to say 'I love you' or to turn back the clock ever again. Once your neighbour leaves you, who else is left that you may turn to?
My friends, life is often neglected until that fateful day comes where we encounter death in its various manisfestations. Some of us may have had close brushes with death. Many of us have understood the effect of death. And many of us have witnessed death claiming the lives of people we may not even know. But always, always treasure life, treating every day as if it were your last. Do not regret the day you lose that chance.
I say this because this evening at 9.50pm as I made my daily pilgramage back home from training, I witnessed the unfortunate loss of a life. Death came as a traffic accident.
The victim was the passenger of the driver of a frozen produce truck that had swerved of the course of its intended path and met the face of a column beneath a flyover with full impact.
As I tried to put a picture to the ruckus, I realised it was too late and I felt gravitated to deliver help.
I plead with those reading this, if graphic details disturb you, I ask that you utilise your discretion.
As I drew closer to the site of the accident, I was able to view how badly smashed in the vehicle's front was. Everything else around was deafening silence as I felt even more compelled to check on the state of the two men that were trapped inside.
The driver was breathing, but it was clear that he was in need of immediate help. I was deeply troubled when my eyes had glazed across to his companion however. Motionless and seemingly lifeless, his body was nothing more than a floppy limp fold that chose to hang over the broken windscreen of a table. I could not see his face, for it was out of my angle of vision. It had protruded and had been flung too far forward for any bystander to see. All I saw was the back of his neck, head tilted to the side, blood streaking down his jugular like a thick red line of paint.
Two ambulances had been called. Two firetrucks ploughed through the road before stopping over, creating a momentary diversion. I wanted to help so badly while my heart screamed out for God to save the life of the passenger that was still sandwiched in the vehicle's cabin. It was in painful agony that I stood, watching the teams pry open the doors in a desperate fight against time; in a bid to save the life that was wearing so thin and so quickly.
But as I stood and watched even more, that slither of hope that I had seemed to etch away into the surrounding black night. It was all a flurry of confusion as the paramedics and the firemen bravely fought the evils of doubt and upheld their duties as keepers of life as they freed the doors of the pulverized truck.
This was where my heart felt the greatest sadness when I saw it was too late. As the passenger who had been laying there all the while was moved by the paramedics, urgently attempting to detect the slightest response from a body seemingly devoid of life.
What told me to stay put and chance upon the state of the victim myself I do not know but when his head had been lifted up, my entire stomach had turned itself inside-out as I fought to hold back any tears that were trying to escape.
It was too late as I saw his face. It had been mangled beyond recognition. The entire right portion of his face had been literally diced to pieces as the gory mess of his skin hung in shreds that resembled the mince beef you find in supermarkets.
Blood poured out of his ears and his neck was broken and twisted in the most obscure of angles, presumably from the impact of the collision.
Through that moment where I captured the haunting image of devastation, an image that seemed so horrific and grotesque, I knew I could bear no more. I removed myself from the site and placed myself amongst the crowd of bystanders that had gathered to witness the spectacle, stirring up fodder for next-day gossip.
As I stood and reflected upon the very words I had heard from another witness, I held back the tears even more and remained silent before taking my exit.
We never know what may happen in the course of our lives but let us take the efforts to bond closer in love and harmony, making every effort to treasure each other count.
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